Saturday, January 17, 2009

Baseturbation

Whiskey Fire highlights the ever-accellerating death spiral of the wingnutty outer Oort-cloud fringe.

Here's a taste:

January 18, 2009
U Stink & I Hate U

Barack Obama is extremely popular. People like him a lot; 79% of us are optimistic about his chances of fishing the nation out of the cesspit in which it's currently festering. Including, strikingly, 56% of Republicans (scroll down). That's pretty impressive.

So much for calls for Operation Leper-like wingnut baseturbation. As it turns out, manipulating the "conservative base" into furious, agitated, always anticlimactic excitement is something most Americans see as shameful and pointless, in terms of exorbitant AstroGlide and Kleenex expenditures, anyhow, especially in these trying economic times. (However can Erick Erickson even type on a keyboard with those hairy palms and inferior eyesight? Perhaps his faith preserves him.)
Yowza!

I can only imagine his hate mail.

Drop by and read the rest.

Monster Kills Kid

They don't call them 'Monster Trucks' for nothing.

From seattlepi.com:
Christine Moe told King Television of Seattle a truck came apart while heading toward the end of the grandstands during the freestyle competition right after intermission.

"Parts were falling off and a piece flew up and hit a little boy," Moe said.

"I talked to the people sitting next to them. Their little girl had blood all over them. It was just so horrible," she said. "You just saw the mother just sitting there holding her son and the whole top of his head was just gushing with blood."
This is just horriffic - oh, but it gets worse:

Some told the TV station they had to throw cups off the stands to get the attention of medics.

"They didn't even stop the damn show," Moe said. "They just kept going. We grabbed our kids and just beelined out of there."

Many spectators left after the accident, witnesses said.

"I thought that (continuing the show) was really rude," Deranleau said. "Everybody sitting around thought they should have dropped the show and gave the family some respect. Nobody was paying attention to the show."

Of course you don't 'stop the show' if a spectator is hurt (or killed)! Good grief! The Show Must Go On! What was that spectator thinking! Even if she is a nurse! This is the post-9-11 world! You put a purple heart band-aid on it and keep right on going! Nothing to see, move along.

Actually, maybe this will help some of the folks watching this insane 'sport' finally realize what a bizarre form of entertainment it really is.

Sad hat tip to Drudge Retort

I love it when the Squid Kids are naughty...



Squeaks for itself.

Hat tip to Laughing Squid blog

Ted Nugent, our next drug czar?

August 2007:
"Obama, he's a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun."
Jan 2009:
"As America's Drug Czar, I would put a big hurt on the drug kingpins and consumers like they have never seen."
What planet does this whang-dang-doodle live on?

Incredible video of another jet water-landing



In 1963, an Aeroflot Tupolev 124 ditched into the River Neva after running out of fuel. The aircraft floated and was towed to shore by a tugboat which it had nearly hit as it came down on the water. The tug rushed to the floating aircraft and pulled it with its passengers near to the shore where the passengers disembarked onto the tug; all 52 on board escaped without injuries. Survival rate was 100%

Hat tip to Kottke.org

Now for something sublime



These guys are quite good.

Madness

From Alertnet via The Agonist.

Watch the news anchor's face - you can SEE the shame.

"...a stain" indeed.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Unsafe at any position

Wow. This would just have to ruin your day.

You've gotten to work, had a cup of coffee and two coconut-topped donuts... when you feel the familiar tug of M. Nature calling. You check that your ever-present 9 is safely ensconced in it's holder next to your 'gun' and head down the hall to your 'other office'...

After a nice long voluntary-muscle-control session, you fold the paper carefully, take care of some paperwork, stand up and before you can say 'one up the spout' you hear your favorite sound in the whole world - followed by searing agony as chunks of razor-sharp flying porcelain (coated with YOUR very own 'special sauce') leave definite marks on your aft regions.

Oh man. That has to be the worst moment of anyone's day.

Hat tip to ColoradoPols!

TBogg on donuts, the intifada and abortions.

I don't know how TBogg manages to wrap up so much wingnutty goodness in one package, but he does.

Go read this. Thank me later.

PS - go have a Dunkin Donut.

Joe the Disgrace



God... this is lovely. It speaks to the fringe... so... eloquently.

"Best Media Moment of 2009" by TRex.

A creative work of non-fiction

Neo-Con Kids May Get Study Hall Instead of Inauguration on the TeeVee

from firedoglake.

Students in the Federal Way, Washington school district must have parental permission slips to watch the Inauguration because, according the school district--which also put a moratorium on An Inconvenient Truth while the board investigated whether a screening adhered to district policies:

The concern is that the televised inauguration was not listed in syllabus handed out at the beginning of the term. The district considers the inauguration a full length documentary, unlike some newspaper or internet reference articles which do not require pre-approval.

Let's look up "documentary" in an "internet reference article" which won't require me to leave mom's basement (aka Rapunzel's ivory tower) to get a signed permission slip:

A documentary is a creative work of non-fiction.

Federal Way school district, you flunk! A news broadcast, in real time doesn't actually equal "documentary."

Meanwhile the arch wingnut-in-training, that wanna-be Pat Robertson, the faux Falwell himself, Dr. Gary Cass of the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission has a warning for parents:

Obama's inauguration may help move race relations forward in America, but Obama's inaugural events are a major step backwards for historic Christian values. CADC must issue this WARNING message: Don't let your children watch!...Obama is making a terrible mistake by polluting his inaugural events with sexual sin. Some one [sic] ought to remind him that he wasn't elected mayor of Sodom.

Cass froths rabid on Bishop Robinson, Reverend Lowell and Rick Warren's "compromise" and tells parents why kids shouldn't be allowed to watch:

Flamboyant Homosexual Inaugural..Robinson will be appearing with the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington D. C. which forces all Christians around the world to compromise their character if they want to watch the inauguration. [ed: um, lots of Christians around the world actually don't have hate filled homophobic ideology, so it's not a big deal, srsly]...Barack Obama's inauguration will have the dubious distinction of being the most perverted in our nation's history...To ensure no one misses the perversion, the Inaugural parade will include a homosexual marching band with their rainbow flags flying proud with millions of our nation's children and Christians watching.

Wanna give Cass a wedgie? That "homosexual marching band" the Lesbian and Gay Band Association needs some help with fund raising. Click the link and show wingnuts that America loves teh gays!

What the hell is it...

...with flying cars lately?? They're all over the damn place.

This entry from LaughingSquid's blog talks about yet another.

They're going from London to Tombouctou (that's Timbuktu to you furriners).

Brave SOBs.

ps - LaughingSquid.net is one of the best web-hosts goin. Starting a new site? Check em out.

WANT

Ohmigawd.

More on Flight 1549

Both engines are still missing.

"A guy named Chesley..."

Surveillance video catches the actual water landing:



Watch the left side of the frame at 2:00 or so - you can see the actual landing.

Great video from Newsday.com

Tons of resources here too:

Photogallery

Graphics and stats on plane-bird collisions

Superb photos at FLICKR - this one in particular caught my eye

Damn lucky that collision happened close the city, if they'd been a bit further along their course, God knows where they might have had to come down.

Josh Marshall also has some interesting history about forced landings on water.

The Times has a great interactive graphic.

Stay Wild

Finally.

Rocky Mountain National Park has been declared a Wilderness Area.

Here's the full text of the legislation:

S.22 Omnibus Public Land Management Act of 2009

Another piece of the Musgrave legacy of obstruction swept away.

Thank God the Senate Republicans came to their senses and voted for this... but, considering how badly they're backed to the wall they didn't have much choice I 'spect.

How do you KNOW...

...if someone's butt smells?



Scroll down...



(covers eyes/shakes head) Yowza.

Goodbye and Good Riddance

From The American Prospect:

After eight years of President Bush, we almost don't know how to function without him -- almost. But before we move on, we should pause to remember just what we're leaving behind.

Paul Waldman | November 11, 2008 | web only

Just over two years into George W. Bush’s presidency, The American Prospect featured Bush on its cover under the headline, "The Most Dangerous President Ever." At the time, some probably thought it a bit over the top. But nearly six years later, it's worth taking a moment to reflect on the multifaceted burden that will soon be lifted from our collective shoulders.

Since last week, I have stopped short and shaken my head in amazement every time I have heard the words "President-elect Obama." But it is equally extraordinary to consider that in just a few weeks, George W. Bush will no longer be our president. Let me repeat that: In just a few weeks, George W. Bush will no longer be our president. So though our long national ordeal isn't quite over, it's never too early to say goodbye.

There's more and it's good.

Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

#1
When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honourable mentions:

#2
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

#3
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

#4
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

#5
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

#6
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

#7
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

#8
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

#9
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M. , flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

#10
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Real Depression

Colorado Looms Large as 2010 Looks Grim for GOP
from ColoradoPols

This story from The Washington Post about the 2010 Senate outlook makes Colorado's "open" seat all the more important:
A spate of retirement announcements by Senate Republicans this year have further complicated attempts by GOP strategists to begin rebuilding a party devastated by across-the-board losses in recent elections.

The latest departure news came Tuesday, when Sen. George V. Voinovich of Ohio said he has decided not to seek a third term in 2010, citing a desire to "step back and spend the rest of our time with our children and grandchildren." Voinovich joins Republican Sens. Sam Brownback (Kan.), Christopher S. Bond (Mo.) and Mel Martinez (Fla.) on the sidelines heading into the 2010 election. So far this year, no Democrats have announced plans to retire after the current Senate term.

The rapid pace of Republican retirement announcements has dispirited many in the party who thought the 2008 election, in which the party lost seven or eight seats (depending on the outcome of the Minnesota contest), marked the GOP's nadir...

...Republicans control only 41 Senate seats and have 20 incumbents up for reelection in 2010, compared with 17 for the Democrats.

Ironic that the coming Depression will have double meaning for the COGOP.

Here's some music to go with that whine.

Farewell Dubya

Wingnut Wipeout Week

It's so nice that someone cares about Katie Witt's campaign.

It's sweet that the WWFHA1 of Longmont have a support group - they can help in times of disaster... like when your 'party' has been utterly crushed and made itself a complete laughingstock wandering the wilderness in badly-ripped bourbon-soaked clothes.2

Yup. She ran a 'heckuva' campaign.

And lost badly to Brandon Shaffer - a real statesman, veteran and all-around decent human being. She got stomped so bad even her website is dead... what IS that piece of artwork? A copy of a tattoo from an undisclosed location?

Go watch her Sept. 9th 2008 address to City Council and see why the majority of the voters didn't find her 'impressive'... at least not in a good way...

Oh, and that sweet, lovable mask comes right off at the first hint of disagreement... if you've met her and asked questions about her positions on pretty much anything you've seen that 'other face' - in my opinion, that's what cost her the election. People don't like being snarled at by their future rep.

She did, however, support FasTracks, so I suppose she's not all bad.3
_______________
1. Wingnut Women's Fringe and Homeschooling Alliance
2. Now 'n' will have someone to rant with (at least until the TicTacs run out) aside from the usual suspects.
3. Just mostly

No Moe Bush

I love living in a Blue State.


Modern Toys

Our children's toys tell a special story - the world through the eyes of the people that think they know what kids should be taught. IE - truly skeery.

I've included some of the reviews from the Amazon.com page - there are several....



2,337 of 2,375 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Great lesson for the kids!, September 9, 2005
By loosenut (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews
I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.

The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).



139 of 144 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Teaching Respect for the State Security Apparatus, March 9, 2008
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
Durability:5.0 out of 5 stars Fun:4.0 out of 5 stars Educational:2.0 out of 5 stars
I like the basic idea. I applaud Playmobile for attempting to provide us with the tools we need to teach our children to unquestioningly obey the commands of the State Security Apparatus, but unfortunately, this product falls short of doing that. There's no brown figure for little Josh to profile, taser, and detain? Where are all the frightened plastic Heartlanders pointing at the brown figure as they whisper "terrorist?" Where are the hippy couple figures being denied boarding passes? And shouldn't someone be forcing a mother figure to drink her own breast milk?



70 of 71 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Changed My Life, August 10, 2008
By prd "noname" (Poulsbo, WA) - See all my reviews
Durability:5.0 out of 5 stars Fun:5.0 out of 5 stars Educational:5.0 out of 5 stars
I will never need to buy toothpaste again thanks to Playmobil. Not realizing this was a toy I purchased it to prepare for my interview as a TSA agent. Needless to say I aced it and have been happily viewing xrays of carry-on luggage and shoes ever since. As noted above, the free toothpaste is just icing on the cake - never expected a free lifetime supply, but who's complaining. This is a "must-have" for any aspiring TSA agent out there.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Flyin the coop

Well, Marcus Schrenker has proven that you can run but you can't hide.

The 'amateur daredevil pilot' thought he'd masterminded the perfect way to rip off his investment clients, skip out and live a life of luxury1.

Oh. Too bad, so sad.

Worst part is, he wrecked his widdle plane too.

I wonder if bailing out of an aircraft and letting it crash is considered an act of terrorism?

If not, it should be.
______________________________________
1. The not-so-secret fever-dream of every wingnut.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Brilliant Idea from Robert Cringely

Brilliance.
My proposal to end the recession will cost $20 billion, not $775 billion. I would allocate $20 billion in extra funding for federal tax compliance in the coming year. I’d also open-up such compliance enforcement to private firms. That’s the stick.

The carrot comes in the form of a quite specific form of one-time tax amnesty. Taxpayers who have shorted Uncle Sam will be asked to come forward and report their crimes, which will result in no additional tax payments or penalties – none. If you are a tax cheat and don’t come forward, that $20 billion will go toward hunting you down. If you are a tax cheat and do come forward but lie about the extent of your cheating, that $20 billion will be used against you, too, so there is a huge incentive to be honest and a large penalty for not being so. This is not a free lunch: you have to report IT ALL. That should be about $3 trillion for the last decade, remember.
Read the rest

They're Freaking Out

Baltimore Mayor Indicted for Theft

Oh good grief.

Baltimore Mayor Sheila A. Dixon (Dem.) was charged today with 12 counts of felony theft, perjury, fraud and misconduct in office, becoming the city's first sitting mayor to be criminally indicted. The case stems in part from at least $15,348 in gifts Dixon allegedly received from her former boyfriend, prominent city developer Ronald H. Lipscomb, while she was City Council president.

From the Drudge Retort

"...former boyfriend..."

"...prominent city developer..."

Definitely qualifies for the 'DUH' award of the year.

Sad AND stupid.

From the Agonist

Right to the point.

It is time for the Republican Party to die. To disappear forever from the American political scene. To salvage one, minuscule shred of dignity for itself and willingly disband.

The reason the Republican Party needs to just go away is that it is the most un-American political party in this country’s history. It would be one thing if the list of complaints against the Republican Party were limited to its attempts since the 1950s to divide Americans among themselves, or its eagerness to dismantle the middle class in this country and distribute its wealth to a handful of oligarchs, or its disgusting appeals to racism as a way to get votes.

These are character flaws along the lines of the genetic propensity of all Republican officials to embrace hypocrisy – to have not even a speck of awareness of when they are lying, or when they are proposing something the very opposite of their private behavior. These sort of sins can be addressed by the voters, who can banish the Republicans from public office, but these sins are not sufficient to demand that the party dissolve itself.

No. What is fundamentally wrong with the Republican Party is that it routinely, vigorously, and unapologetically undermines the U.S. Constitution, and as such it has shown itself inimical to the interests of the republican form of government that is the foundation of the U.S. political order.


There's much more.