Saturday, March 7, 2009

Closet Kooks

Once again the Longmont TimesCall showcases the best of the wingnut right in Longmont:

In the provocatively-titled story:

City of Longmont, don’t be branded as a spendthrift

the anonymous author (Dino, is that you?) opines:
Really, the city should wait. In era of budget cutbacks, there’s no rush to lay down $75,000 so someone else can help determine who you are.
Absolutely! And when you've got a gang of cigar-chompin pinstriped businessmen with a huge bag of money who needs anyone else to tell you "...who you are." The ole boys at LIFT will take care of that for you, just lay back and relax, it'll be over soon.

Then the author's bias peeks out ever-so-cutely, like a little puppy poking its head out of your pocket:
This is not to say Longmont couldn’t use a little help. Some cities have clear identities — despite its “People’s Republic” image, Boulder has an identity that attracts visitors — but Longmont suffers from confusion. Is Longmont an All-America city? Is it a destination? Is it a gateway to somewhere else? Does one come here to work? To live? For the schools? What ever happened to Longmont being a big front porch?
So, the City Council shouldn't do it, but it would be nice if someone would. Hm. *snifsnif* -gag- smells like LIFT again. And OH-so-well-done slipping in the Communist reference to Boulder for the ten millionth time. Do the people that think this way really believe that Communism is running wild in Colorado? The (anonymous of course) comment:
"Council’s majority should be honest about who they are and adopt a yellow hammer inside the curve of a sickle on a red field and be done with it..."
sure does ring in sympathy with that.

Kids... the Cold War is OVER. Please, put down the dog-eared copy of the John Birch Newsletter and buy a clue... and some laxative.

There's much banter over a slogan for the city:
"Lawyers, guns and money" - considering how LIFT is poised to take over the town this is a natural. Even comes with a theme song!
But let me address the other rhetorical questions posed by the writer:

Is Longmont an all-American city? - We won the award. Nuf sed. Really. Enough.

Is it a destination? - if you're looking for a well-run, clean and safe home, hell yeah.

Is it a gateway to somewhere else? - uh... DUH. (points to Rocky Mountain National Park, newly-designated a Wilderness Area)

Does one come here to work? - if you're of the card-carrying blood-ritual-annointed favored few, yes. Otherwise go to Boulder or Denver, damn hippy.

To live? - If you want to buy a house that's had it's price driven into the ground by insane growth and unscrupulous realtors, oh yeah! (thanks guys!)

For the schools? - after nearly a decade of GOP domination of the school board and CSAP scores going into the toilet... not so much.

What ever happened to Longmont being a big front porch? - waaaallll, y'all managed to drive out the Klan, and then the robber-barons but y'all dinnit qwaht wipe out the hardcore bloodthirsty racists... just yayit... (based on this comment seen in the TC's comment stream recently):
The real agenda in now painfully clear. From small man Polis to big man Obama. As their arrogance increases, so does the lubrication of their loose lips.
Longmont 3/6/2009 7:34:42 AM
Aw, isn't that cute? Sounds like something Rush might have said after a handfull of oxycontin. I love how this bloviating shithead manages to insult the left's 'arrogance' while making a racist comment at the same time. There's some high-flying rhetoric for ya.

Keep up the great work Longmont GOP, you're doin a heckuva job - heckuva job!

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